Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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