I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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