My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
