the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
