I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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