he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
