Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
