And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When are your genitals available?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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