Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
