The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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