Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
