bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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