Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
