Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You took a bar mat shot.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
