just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
