there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
