No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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