We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
high people should be assigned attendants
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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