I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
