kristin has been a bad kristin
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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