Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize