I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
