We named our party play list daddy issues
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
