I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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