as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
