y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
