His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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