My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
