At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
