we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
