Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she woke up with a sticky ear
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
