I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just high enough for therapy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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