how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
