it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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