i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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