Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
