Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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