giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
