Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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