theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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