oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
