I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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