And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
