Kiss
Puke
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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