What did we do last night that was yellow?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
