just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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