Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
