Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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