thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
