New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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