Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
