Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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