So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
