i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
