sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
