i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
