On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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