I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
