This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
