READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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