I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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