i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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